Al Trautwig sucks our will to live. Why is he still allowed to do commentary for the Tour de France? He has been covering the Tour for several years now and as best anyone can tell still knows nothing about the sport. Sure he's probably there as the classic commentator for a sport that is not huge in the USA where the network throws in some yahoo to ask fatuous questions (why would the peleton allow those few riders to ride so far ahead? Shouldn't they ride faster? Why are they even on bicycles?) and basically look ridiculous (his mouth is obscenely oversized and makes us uncomfortable). I fear that after all this time Trautwig actually knows nothing about the sport. Word on the street is that he actually is a knowledgeable respectable commentator for other sports. Apparently Trautwig has even won an Emmy; who would have guessed (although this is based on rather lackluster research efforts). I know that we (though most likely everyone does likewise) record the Tour when the coverage is live (OK. So technically we have someone else record it for us since our houses don't believe in television--we know this is completely un-American but so is watching the tour sans Lance Armstrong) so that we don't have to watch the god awful expanded coverage Versus broadcasts with Trautwig babbling over it.
Solution: Versus (who named this channel?) should fire Al Trautwig and replace him with Bill Walton.
Sure, Walton doesn't know anything about the sport of cycling but at least he would refuse to play the patsy and ask ridiculous questions. Instead, imagine if you will, Bill Walton expounding upon how Shaq isn't even a cyclist but he would still be the most dominant man in the sport next to me, of course--Bill Walton. Also how as the peleton passes by w/ all the brilliant flashing colors it reminds him (Walton) of the Dead show he went to in '89. And how the little cyclists were the Bigmen of the mountains--Throw it down Bigman (in the big ring). "Yes, Levi Leipheimer is great on the climbing stages but he lacks that overall dominance that Shaq has. The last of the true Bigmen. I feel as though Shaq would never allow for him to get this far ahead without taking him to the rim. Did I mention my son, Luke, yet? He is also awesome on a...umm...what do you call these things?...bi-cycle?"
Yes, what a better world it would be. Or maybe not. Who knows? Either way it is a weird Tour so far. So many wrecks and it is getting hard to make bets on this thing. I mean, Linus? Who the fuck? I am losing my shirt over here and in France 22 year old German newbies are putting on the yellow and white jerseys. Freakin' great, keep it up guys, I will be dead in the river with concrete shoes soon enough.
2 comments:
I fucking can't stand Walton. That guy contradicts himself in the same breath. Put Trautwig and Walton on the same event and they will feed off each other's critiquing ad infinitum, well at least until they die of exhaustion. That would give Versus some meaning.
To be honest. Both James and I can't stand Walton either. We just like to imagine him constantly talking about Shaq during the Tour and generally being annoying in a more entertaining way than Trautwig.
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