Bill Walton. Throwing it down old school.

So I found this rambling about on the internet and I figure the world must see it.
Thanks to the NBA Fanhouse for the find.

Holy crap...

Gilbert Arenas just blew my mind...again. This man is a pure genius. I will just have to go ahead and directly quote him on this one:

There Are No Such Thing as Shark Attacks

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”

Yes, I have been hearing a lot about these "landsharks":

Garnett heads east.

-Psst...I stole this pic from Freedarko, don't tell anyone, ok?

So Boston has pried away the Big Ticket from Minnesota and it only cost them an arm and half a leg. The Associated Press is reporting on this "unofficial" story but it would appear it is all but a certainty KG will be in the Town of Beans next season. Coming to the Timberwolfies is a veritable smörgåsbord of players (keep in mind this is not an official list as it can change but will most likely include some assortment of these guys): forward Al Jefferson, guard Sebastian Telfair, swingman Gerald Green and center Theo Ratliff. Along with these players is most likely a future first round pick and a photograph from the future showing the grave Danny Ainge will be buried in if the Celtics fail to win a championship (it will disappear a la "Back to the Future" if they do win).

Tom Ziller over at the NBA Fanhouse makes a very interesting point about all this:

You know what else that would mean? Garnett, Pierce and Ray Allen would earn roughly $60 million in 2008-09, and about $64 million in 2009-10. Yes, the team will be close to the luxury tax for the next three seasons on just those three salaries. (Meanwhile, San Antonio's Big Three -- Duncan, Parker, and Manu -- will cost about $40 million a year during that stretch.) And if the purported trade scenario comes true -- most good young Celtics prospects and a handful of draft picks are due to Minnesota -- then the well for cheap but productive role players is bone dry. Even funding the midlevel every year would get too pricey with luxury tax considerations.

This all points to the fact that Boston is gonna need to win a championship soon or else heads will roll

Get all smart and stuff...

There is an interesting article in the New York Times from a few days ago that takes a look at the gambling shenanigans that have been rocking the NBA. Read up and tell me what the hell it all means.

Greetings from the Oregon Coast. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties

Well, welley, wellerton. I am out at the Oregon coast with my family for the weekend and what do I find at the beach house my mom is renting? Cable and wireless internet that's what. What a world we live in my friends, what a world. So I am spending my morning not on the beach in the rain but watching every stupid rider bio piece Versus has put together with a little ticker banner at the bottom of the screen explaining that they are having technical difficulties and can't show the Tour. Why god why?

Moving on though, there are some interesting articles over at cyclingnews.com about the fallout from this year's catastrophic Tour drama. In particular I find the response from Kloden (or Klodie) insightful:

• "They seem funny to me," he started. "Vinokourov is supposed to have doped with someone else's blood. He knew that he would be controlled. That's like when someone sees a radar control in an 80 kmh zone and races through at 150 kmh. The same goes for Matthias Kessler. He had a testosterone value that had never before been measured so high. And that between two races which he was racing to win and had to reckon with controls. Nobody is that dumb."

• "Maybe I'll just quit entirely," he told German tabloid BILD. "I'm afraid that the sport is being criminalised, we could end up in prison. What happens if someone pours something illegal onto my salad? Suddenly I test positive and go to jail. I don't want that, I have a family. The whole thing doesn't make sense any more."

• Klöden's "adventurous" theory for the whole thing was a power fight between the UCI and the ASO for control of the Tour de France. "Intrigues are being woven, everyone wishes each other the worst," he said. "It has to do with a lot of money. What if someone is manipulating things in order to destroy it all and then take over the remains?"

Oh boy, those wacky Germans and their wacky conspiracies. I mean who heads up the UCI? The Illuminati? During a press conference UCI President Victor Von Doom had this to say:

I mean what's to worry about? I'll put up the official results later in the evening when everyone has gotten to watch it for themselves. In the meantime here are some funny things my brother showed me on this interweb thingy:

• Pictures of kitties with funny made up quotes? So awesome.

• "Once there was a gay boy who wished for a planet full of unicorns."

• This is so good I feel the need to embed the video in the page to make sure everyone watches it. This kid makes me believe the tooth fairy, jesus, and loves-a-lot bear all exist and gives me a warm feeling inside knowing that he is out there somewhere, honing his craft:

The bell tolls for thee...

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
-John Donne

Well, it has been a rather sad couple days over in France as it seems everyone has been asked to leave the Tour. Rasmussen, Moreni (and the entire Cofidis team), Vinokourov (and the entire Astana team): all kicked out or asked politelty to get the hell out.

So what's left? 143 riders are remaining and the outlook is dim for the future of the Tour much less for the sport. I have been so busy reading the scandals I haven't even been able to keep up with the freakin' new standings. I do know that Contador is leading the pack now and the entire peloton will be crying all the way into Paris as more and more sponsors run screaming the other way.

I am working hard at keeping the faith but with crooked refs and doped up cyclists I am having some trouble keeping up. Tomorrow I will collect myself and get some results and more info up. James has sequestered himself on the southeast side of town so there has been no Bigman Shoes conference (sitting at the bar till close rambling to each other) for awhile. Check back for more info and some lighter-hearted sort of posts. Posts that involve pictures of dudes like this:



P.S: My brother-in-law (or cunado en espanol) is totally awesome. (He forced me to put that. He is in fact very scary and will someone please call the police and send them to the Motel 6 on Stark and 91st to deal with him!)

Time for a little C-Murder update

To all my fans I apologize for not being a more active part of the blog lately. I have been busy dominating the bike polo world and since apparently my IPhone got accidentally shipped to Africa I am not able to post to the site using my current cell technology(as you can see below):


But let's face it, my fingers are far too fat to use that fancy Iphoneythingamajig anyway. So let's get cracking with some interesting news:

• Refs fixing games? Making questionable calls? somebody call Dick Tracy because if my hunch is correct "there's a whole lot of pudding to be found under this rock" (huh?). NBA referee Tim Donaghy is under investigation for helping the mob fix NBA games (like this one). I heard word that he is seeking Federal protection a la "Goodfellas" which makes me think he'll get a visit from a couple guys that look a bit like this sometime soon.
• Kobe is lighting up the USA Basketball mini-camp this past week. "Black Mamba" led his "blue" team to a win over the "white" team in an intersquad scrimmage and now must face the "red" team which I am pretty sure will be made up of the superhuman (no mutants!) team: The Avengers and will be officiated by refs painted green. Oh yeah Kobe, good luck guarding Moon Knight during a full moon.
• In case you haven't checked out the amazing site known as "The Wizznutzz" you should really get a move on it. I recommend starting here and then moving on to this. Basically the whole damn thing is unbelievable but these are some of my favorites.

So that's about it for me I guess. Just wanted to touch base and put up some dumb pictures and funny links. Get a move on with looking at it all cause there's a quiz on Thursday. Oh and here's one more pic to send you on your merry way.